Good old days and more...

As I told you before, my friends, I burned all my diaries in a big cheese can deliberately.

Today I want to confess that 2 of them were full of just one "person". But he's not the reason of burning them cruelly of course, but what made me write this is, him again, after 12 years. My teenage platonic :)

The pages about him were flew away for me 12 years ago (even before "the great diary fire") but he was my friend, and on holidays, somehow I was coming across with him. The last time was on facebook about three years ago, I don't even remember who added who first. After a brief "hi" and "chitchat" I got him out of my mind 'cause I was desperately in love with another one (in my twenties think about that).

Two months ago, we came across with a photo competition on god damn facebook. He had a photo needed to be voted, and I helped him for this. We started to talk again from old days, good old days. And I didn't confess him that he was my "platonic" once. I didn't need to, as I nomore have the same feelings. And so few people knew abot him, 'cos he was one of my best friend's exboyfriend. Oh dear I feel like I'm in a teenage soup opera now. (Actually I had a adolescence which tastes like soup opera :) ) Or... some kind of a Gossip Girl drama.

We had longer chitchats, longer conversations but I had very very little enthusiasm to talk to him. But in a little while I realised that he had more. I never wish to hurt people's feelings, especially if I believe their goodwill.

Whenever we talked, I was shouting inside "why didn't you come 12 years ago? I was so close to you, so helplessly in love" He couldn't of course, as he was (now we go back to the beginning) my best friend's ex-boy-fri-end...

And today, I've done what I never wish to do, I straightly told him not to have any expectations about me. I don't know the reason, I still feel "weird" throuhg the childlike memories he remind me of. What made me decide so fast and so clear? I d-o-n-t k-n-o-w!

What is the reason of this "too little too late" feeling. He has done nothing wrong to me. Except bothering me about my returning date after holiday.

Also, now I clearly realize that, if the old memories still make me think on them, and make me feel sorry about them, I really dont have the talent to leave my past behind. There's no rule for me like "past is past".

Fuck all the memories!