Actually, (to confess) somehow I like to write under this title before I go to bed. It makes me feel that I leave all the mass of thoughts I have during "turning on pillow time" on this page and sleep peacefully. Of course I'm only deceiving myself, coz it's impossible to get rid of what I've got in mind and depths of mind.
Having a vivid memory is my curse! That is why I can't move on easily. That is the reason why I cannot depart from my past. F.ck the oblivion, I've already given up on that; yet it doesn't even gets "flu" enough not give pain, shame, happiness, hope, longing... and what emotions else it makes me feel! I'm unlucky in many aspects. I can count many haplessness and curses I have from birth, but none of them affects me more bitterly than the CLEAR MEMORY! (as an elephant)But memory is such a complex and inexplicable shit that, sometimes I can never remember the simplest things. For instance when I'm playin' chess, at the beginning of the game, I always (literally always) get confused the exact places of "check" and "queen". I always do it, without any exceptions. However I'm playing it since I was 15.
Indeed, I'm not here to write about my memory or personal experiences. I just wanted to write things that nobody understands, nobody knows, nobody cares. Or some Bukowski kinda words, which seem immoral and disgusting, in fact means so many important things, but that's not my style. I can only swear mouthfully that's all.
I feel so fool coz these are not the words I came here to write. I triffled again. Mostly I can't prevent it. I'm not so assertive to triffle in face to face talk, but when it comes in writing I don't have a limit.
Whatever, no need to belabour. If I have many important things to explain I can return willingly you know. Until than, that's all folks!
Kisses...
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