Drafts of ante noctem (1)

Virginia Woolf

How depressed i feel when i read a Virginia Woolf novel. Her expression both encourages me and despairs me. She’s different from anyone i know and any novelist i read.

Years ago (many many years ago actually because i’s only 13) Duygu Asena gave me the same feelings. I was too young to read her books but now i’m thankful to the person who introduced me with her books. Actually i dont remember who was that, maybe it’s just a tv programme, i’m not sure.

As i said before i’m trying to form my own library, i’m constatly buying sets of books, they’re mostly philosophical, historical and mythological books. And some writers whose ideas i overrate, like George Orwell.  I guess forthcoming days i’ll have new sets of Virginia Woolf, Duygu Asena and John Stuart Mill.

Oh i forgot to give the good and the bad news! The good news is i and Ophelia moved from pension to a house, the bad one is Viola quit her job and left Tutak ‘cause of some individual problems. I’ll talk about it later ‘cause it’s not a matter to take brief.

…

My sister was here last week. Yes my sister, Calipto (she likes this nickname) came to Tutak to visit me. She was so hestitant to come here and i accepted her visit as i wanted her to see what a f.cking place it was!

But i wish she wouldnt have come, couse i miss her now. I miss her more than ever. I understand how powerful the blood relation is, beter than before. She’s the only person who gives me great joy. When we find each other we dont need anyone else to have good time.

Calipto & I are in front of the Ağrı mountain

I’d better quit writin’ or i’ll burst out crying. I cant Express how desperate i feel in this bloody town, so far away from my beloved ones.

Ok i’m going to bed now to sleep early for the first time for weeks. I hope i fall asleep a.s.a.p before i sob…