The drops of my blues

After a long time I feel depressed again. I dont know the reason why I feel so. Is it ‘cause of my period, or the intensity of my occupational life?

The dose of my medicine is not enaugh for  me anymore I guess. This is what I’ve been afraid of, as I said before. Is it an addiction, or is it a temporary mood? I hope it’s temporary coz I’m in a term to make a decision to stop using antidepressants.

When I look into my life and scan it for a while, I can see nothing for being in blues. I’m working in a big school with good students (at least they’re respectful), I’ve got beloved friends and constant health. The only thing I dont have in my life is love. But in such a place I live, love is a burden. Every nice feeling is burden here already…

Perhaps it’s the result of working so hard both at school and dormitory. All I need might be a short holiday, far from Tutak, close to my beloved ones. Ohh gosh, I’ve felt like Bathsheba in Far From the Madding Crowd :) After I’ll leave Tutak forever, I’ll write my own novel (maybe autobiography) called “Far From the Maddening Tutak”. ‘Cause I know that I’ll go crazy till I go away from here permanently. Tutak is not madding but maddening as far as I see (experience actually).

I hate talking about Tutak, coz every word I utter about it increases my hatred for the town. I’ve missed my pretty Muratlı, my lively Tekirdağ, my merry Thracian people... My family… Oh my goodness, I desperately need a holiday! Fortunately this is my last week here for this term (thank God!).

I think it’s beter to go on a holiday before increasing the dose of my pills. Wait for me Trakya, the holy land, I’ll be there soon…